What's Different?

I've said a couple times that I wish I could go back to being fat for just a day (or maybe a few hours) because it's so hard sometimes to really tell a difference. You lose weight gradually, and you make healthy changes in your life that take a while to become habits, so by the time you've transformed into this new person, it's hard to remember what the old person was like.

I mean, I was really overweight and unhappy about it, but I really thought that if I could just lose 20 pounds, that would be enough. I really had no idea how to eat healthy though. I thought spaghetti WAS healthy. It was certainly better than ordering a pizza. Like most twenty-somethings, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, but I didn't have the metabolism to support that kind of eating.

So I was trying to think what the differences are from then and now.

• Before, I would never wear tank tops or sleeveless dresses. I was embarrassed about my arms and I always had at least a shirt to cover up with. Now, I wear tank tops to exercise in and I have a closet full of cute dresses.
• Before, I would never attempt to run. I hated it, and I thought it was torture. Now, I can't imagine that feeling...sure, sometimes it's uncomfortable or hurts, but I know that by the end of the run, it will be worth it.
• Before, I was envious of other people. I would look at them and wish I had their will power or their body fat percentage or their size-smaller butt. Now, I still have areas of my body that I need to work on, but I've pushed my body beyond what I thought it was capable of, and I'm proud of it. Sure, I don't look like someone who was always a size 0 -- I look like someone who's lost a lot of weight -- but reality isn't airbrushed, and I'd rather be healthy and strong than fit Hollywood's distortion of beauty.
• Before, I cooked...tasty treats for myself. Now, I roast vegetables, and they're pretty good too!



Wearing my white tank top to run my six miles today

• Before, I had excuses. Now, I have goals.

Like I said, I don't really feel any different sometimes. Some days I still feel fat. Some days I make bad choices and eat what I shouldn't. But I don't have the cycle of feeling bad --> eating bad to feel better --> feeling bad about the bad thing I ate.

I think that having a lot of weight to lose, and doing it with diet and exercise, teaches you a lot -- not just about nutrition and exercise, but about yourself. Does the victory of finally reaching a healthy weight make you a better person? Maybe not better, but stronger. After all, if you've lost twenty, thirty, fifty, ninety pounds, what else is there that you can't accomplish?